Project unnamed

Heu heu.. I make a project, and I’m confused what should I name it with. So let’s just call it “Project Unnamed”, maybe it can get a name later.

This project’s goal is to make me go to office by bike. Hum, I know it seems so damn easy for some people. But not for me.

First, I’m not a kindda strong girl. Hehe.. to be honest I do sport rarely, although I always try to do it regularly. Yes, I TRY to do sport on weekend, but sometimes my work forces me to work even on weekend, or sometimes I feel so exhausted after working a whole weekdays so that all I wanna do on weekend is just sleeping all day long. So, riding bike in a pretty far distance is really a matter for me.

Second, I have some trauma on riding bike. I have a problem with balance, also with spatial skill, so woman ya? Hehe... I have some experience on crash when I rode a bike. So, to ride again, in a road full of cars, motorcycle, etc. is a chalengging yet scary experience for me.

Then, what is the reason behind all of this? Well, I wanna prove to some person that I can do this. I always be a weak one, I never have courage to ride in a far distance. So that my boss challenge me to ride to office, and he’s gonna treat me if I can do it. At that time, I said ok I’ll do it after Eid. And here I am, busy preparing myself while I’m fasting. I also wanna prove to myself, this is a big step I will ever make. I need to prove to myself, that I can beat my own trauma, also that I can force myself to the limit.

So, here’s the preparation for my project

Day 1: after searching for the right bike, I decide to buy a woman mtb. It suits me very well. I was not fasting at that time, so I directly rode for the first time that day

Day 2-5: searching for some bike equipment, especially lamp, since I’m gonna ride at night during fasting. month

Week 2: got my lamp! Thanks to koko Joseph. Riding around my home after break fasting.

Week 3 (plan): since Eid holiday has started, hopefully the street will be more friendly. Gonna sleep all day long (hehe) and ride at night

Week 4 (plan): Eid holiday, and not fasting. A perfect condition to test myself riding at street. Gonna ride for a far distance, and event test a route to go to office.

Week 5 (plan): ready to rock the street!

Hopefully, after I can make it, I can go out of town next time.

Having a Wonderful Scattered Heart

Long time no write, and yes it’s me again. Writing with a heart that has scattered into pieces..

So, is this my “used to be” wonderfully fabulous life? Yes! My life still wonderfully fabulous although my heart has scatered into pieces.

I’m gonna tell you about my latest love story. This is about someone I fall into.. deeply...

He was someone I was interviewed for one of my magz. The same magz as the story before. I had to make a profile of him. He was my boss’ friend, we met at an event, then we make an appointment to met and had him interviewed.

He was just like any other people I interviewed before. I did the interview, then I turned my recorder off, gave him my name card, and unexpectedly, he started ask some things about me. I felt like, okay so this is my time being interviewed? After that, we talked about lotta things. We found out that we had similar background.

We kept contact after that interview because he owed me some things related to the article I made. During this period, I found out that his way communicated with me is not as I expected before. It was to intense for a journalist and her interviewee. But I kept myself acted as professional as I could. Well, okay I met him once, to be exact the day after we did the interview. We just met and had a dinner, with a very long and deep conversation.

Yes, we were very intense in the first week. Then a problem comes. I made a mistake. I kept on asking him about his personal details, including his achievement. It was a very important thing on making a profile, right? I’m not sure what exactly my fault was, but he asked my boss to stop me from writing about him. I found it so strange, he told my boss while at the same time he message me like nothing happened. I was so frustrated when I knew he rejected from being profiled. I became more frustrated when I read his twit. He said, “Miss reporter, sorry that I don’t have any achievement. Go find a real athlete if you want to have one. I do this just for fun”. God.. I really had no idea what the hell was going on. He wasn’t mad at me, we kept on messaging each other, in a very intense way. My boss said maybe I have said something wrong. Hummm if I have ever hurt him, he shouldn’t kept talking to me like this.

Then we had another dinner, I said to him that I would treat him, since he treated me on our first “date”. Then I explained everything to him, and I begged him not to cancel being profiled by me. I said I would change every single thing he dislikes. I told him how stupid I was, how I didn’t know anything about this issue. Yes, a person like me, who have a very high pride, kneel down on a man.

Maybe it was the time I fell into him. I have never felt so down because of a guy. Yes, I’m a great and prideful woman.

What happen next really made me down. He wasn’t as intense as before. I found myself cried sometimes, I found myself lost in a jungle. I gave him so much attention that I texted him every single day! I gave him so very much attention, I made him food, bring him something, asked him to meet, and I started worrying him....

Yes, I lost in a jungle of love.

I don’t want myself to be lost forever. I set a due date for myself to stop make a move towards him.  So, it was July, days after my birthday, was my due date. Something happened in the end of June, right before my birthday.

I found him flirting with some other girls. Damn! I was so messed up. I cried. Fortunately I had very wonderful friends that cheer me up. Last week of June was a very gloomy week that I cried and dreamed about him almost everyday. Thanks God that I had soooo many friends. They always strengthen me up.

So I felt a lot stronger when it comes to my birthday. We set a date on that day, “one last date”. My friends asked me why I still met him even after I found out that he flirted some girls and made me cry a whole week. Yes, I said it’s ok, this is only one last date.  I prepared myself of loosing him.

On my birthday, he didn’t greet me. I pretend to be okay. He tweet his friend, greet him birthday. I pretend to be okay. Then we met, had a dinner, and still, we didn’t talk about my birthday. Then when I arrived home, he texted me, said sorry he forgot my birthday. He also said that he had something for me actually.

Well, honestly I fell so happy that he actually remember my birthday and he even had a gift for me. But I kept myself undercontrol, not to expect too much.

Time goes by.... and it proven that he give me NOTHING up till now. Such a jerk? Yeah.

I gained lotta power from my beloved friend. They all kept me on acted logically, and strength to not texted him at all. I fell so much lonely actually. I used to texted him every single day, and enjoyed the feeling of heart bounching. Every.... single... day...

At last, I could pass a month without texted him. How I pass this last July? You have to wait till the next story... hehe.. this story has become toooooooooo long.

Thanks for reading. Love you...